Friendships
No man is a failure who has friends–Don Dalrymple
I have failed at many things at life, big and small. If you can name it, I failed at it. I have failed at getting degrees, careers, and relationships, but the most painful failure was living without friends. It is so cold and depressing because there is no substitute for friendships. I had all the material things I could possibly want, but it didn’t ease the pain or fill the emptiness .
I spent almost all my adult life alone with out any friends in pain, but life has a magical way of working. I had an ILS worker that I liked very much. She graduated from school and moved on with her life. Before we said our goodbyes, I asked her if I could email her. Much to my amazement she said yes. We corresponded on a periodic basis and gradually it became more frequent. I can’t recall how I figured it out, but I discovered that she preferred texting, and the texting became more frequent. We go out to a restaurant on a regular basis and simply share our company.
Then there were two others. They said they were my friends, but I thought they were just being polite. I took the risk and asked if I could text them. Again, they said yes. I was amazed. So, we started texting on a regular basis. I discovered they were indeed my friends. We also go out to restaurants on a regular basis and share our company as well. One friend from church takes me to Rite Aid to pick up my prescriptions. I have a lot of meds, so it is on a frequent basis.
Most of all this has happened during the pandemic. All this texting has eased the pain of isolation coming from sheltering in place. I developed one friend because I started calling her everyday checking up on her in the pandemic. These days I call her everyday and tell her a joke. She enjoys that.
With those having little or no experience with friendships, it is hard to picture the benefits of friendship. Friends accept you are as you are–no judgement or condemnation. You can talk with your friends and be real with them. You can spend time with them for the only reason to be with them is to be with them. You can laugh and joke and carry on. You can be yourself with your friends. Friends care about you, want what’s best for you, and help you out, and come to your aid to be there for you if need be.
In all this I have learned that friendships don’t happen overnight. I requires risk taking and a commitment of time and energy. I make my friends a priority in my life, and I feel wealthier now than I have in my life.
All this is very important to Self-Advocates because many live in isolation. They are surround by a host of paid professionals who are friendly, competent, and supportive, but they are not our friends. This can cause confusion and blur boundaries. I can speak from experience there is a huge difference between the relationship with a professional and a relationship with a friend. Building friendships takes opportunity, time, and effort, but they make a big difference in quality of life.