Life is so full of expectations: going to the best schools, getting the best jobs, marrying the best spouse, having the perfect children, and owning the best house. This is just a partial list of expectations out there that we must meet or are told we must meet to live a happy and successful life.
I wonder how many people in the general population can meet all those expectations. I wonder how many of us with developmental disabilities can meet those expectations? If we play the comparison game, matching our life against an ideal, we are bound to lose, and lose big time. It also hurts when we are left with no expectations. As soon as the doctors gave me a diagnosis of a developmental disability my parents stopped having any expectations. I was left all adrift. It took years to recover from that.
Trying to live a life of what others tell you should be is painfully difficult. The older I get the more I see that I need to let go of societal expectations and just let it be. I have my potential and I strive to fulfill it, not someone else’s. I can come up with my life goals and work hard to achieve them. There is a good possibility that I will achieve them and be happy, but if I try to achieve someone else’s life goals, regardless of if I achieve them, I won’t be happy or satisfied.
You might ask how I know myself, wants, hopes, and goals. I will simply say it comes from attentively watching your life and seeing what emerges–what is important to you, what do you like, or what are you good at? Then I nurture these things by talking to people, studying, test driving them, or traveling to new places.
I find that I must first know myself and what makes me tick, let be, and let me live my life. Regardless of if I meet societal expectations, my life has value, dignity, and purpose. It is far more important to love and have compassion for others than it is to achieve status. Money may buy you a lot of material stuff, but it can’t buy you love or happiness. This is a lesson I have learned as I have traveled my path living with a developmental disability.